One conversation keeps repeating itself.
Whether I am coaching a CEO, facilitating a leadership team or working with an aspiring manager, sooner or later someone says something like:
“I know I need to give them some feedback…”
Almost immediately, their energy changes; the confidence disappears and the conversation becomes awkward before it has even started. What’s interesting is that the person they’re talking about probably reacts in exactly the same way when they hear the word feedback.
Both people are approaching the conversation expecting discomfort and I do not think it’s because people have suddenly become less resilient. I think we have unintentionally corrupted one of the most valuable words in leadership.
Over years of coaching, I have become convinced that feedback is not the problem. Our relationship with it is.
So here is the contradiction that fascinates me and one that I lean in to as a way to create context.
Every organisation I have worked with is trying to become more data-driven. Boards invest millions in analytics, leaders demand better MI, underwriters want richer market intelligence and brokers gather every possible insight before speaking to a client.
We trust data because we know better information leads to better decisions. Yet when the data relates to ourselves…we become uncomfortable.
Why?
If someone tells me our client retention has fallen by 5%, I do not take it personally I just really want to understand why. My behaviour changes, I become curious, look for patterns, I ask what needs to change.
But, if someone tells me that the way I chaired a meeting caused people to disengage…many of us instinctively defend ourselves.
The information has not changed, only the subject has and that has a significant effect on our behaviour.
As a result of this information I have made one significant shift in my coaching conversations and that is to stop thinking about feedback altogether. Instead, I encourage leaders to think about human data.
Data isn’t good or bad, It is simply information and information helps us understand reality more clearly. The clearer we understand reality, the better decisions we make and surely that applies just as much to leadership as it does to business performance.
If I learn that my communication creates confusion:
That is data.
If someone tells me they felt unheard in a meeting:
That is data.
If my team consistently experiences me differently to how I intended:
That is incredibly valuable data.
Ignoring it does not make it less true, it simply means I am choosing to lead with incomplete information.
Of course, this only works if the information is shared well. This is where leadership becomes deeply human and It is why I always come back to two principles that are very important to D3:
Know yourself. Know others.
Know yourself well enough to separate your ego from useful information. Know others well enough to share observations in a way that helps them think rather than defend. This is because the goal was never to become better at giving feedback, the goal is to become better at helping people learn.
The organisations that will thrive over the next decade will not simply have the best technology. They will have leaders who learn faster than everyone else. Learning has always been an information process, so perhaps the real question is not:
“How do we get better at feedback?”
Perhaps it’s this:
“Why do we treat human data as less valuable than business data when both are critical to business success?”
The businesses that answer that question well will not just develop better leaders. They will make better decisions, build stronger cultures and create organisations that keep learning long after others have stopped.
Stu Boyne, Executive Coach